153 Million MINUS ONE!!!!

"Like cold water to a weary soul is good news from a distant land." Proverbs 25:25


When we started this adoption journey, people who had walked this road before us told us that adoption was not for the faint of heart. We did the "smile and nod" routine....you know that one, right? We knew that it would not be easy. We knew that it would likely be a long process. We knew that adopting children from hard places was going to be tough and parenting would become even more difficult and look completely different than our methods of parenting our bio kids. It's like all of our focus was on bringing our daughter home and the process that came after we saw her face! We honestly never gave much thought as to how we would get to that point. Our view was so narrow! HOW could we just overlook the most important part of this process?! I had some crazy idea that we would get "the call" from our agency that they had found our daughter. The daughter that God chose as the perfect fit for our family. The missing piece that would make it whole. It was the idea of this  completely ridiculous fairytale of a story. How ignorant was that?! It has turned out to be the most gut wrenching thing we've ever done.


In many other countries, healthy children are available for international adoption. There is a wait years long for those countries for healthy children. Those families wait, but when they see that face, no one has to say no. No one has to endure that heartbreak. Those children are healthy. India is unique in that respect. India is only open internationally for special needs adoptions. That is the very reason we chose India, to love a child who others said no to. In 2013 thousands of children came to the US from China through adoption. Only 119 came to the US from India!! So, we knew we would be adopting a child with a special need. We tried to prepare ourselves for the possibility that we may have to say no.


I've said before that this has been a journey of faith and I think that has proven true now more than ever. When we first started back in February, our special needs list was very very short. We were not open to that many special needs. Then, our hearts started to soften little by little as the time went on. Slowly, that list grew and we opened up to needs like missing limbs, major heart conditions, deformities, clefts, and others. Another adoptive mom recently told me that during her process, it was like God was just asking her to trust Him. I think that's exactly what God wanted us to do...to just trust. Did we trust Him enough to open up to all of those special needs? Did we trust that He wouldn't give us more than we could handle? Did we trust Him enough to obey and step out of the boat and onto the water? Did we trust that we wouldn't sink? In the end, that answer was yes! It's a tough thing to give all of that up especially when you're like me and love to think that you have all of the answers.


On Friday, Dec. 5th, I dropped Gray off at preschool for an extra day so I could go be with Reese at a school event. I was at a point after the devastating loss of our last referral, that I just couldn't pull the weight anymore. I was tired of carrying around such a heavy heart all the time. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I just gave it all to God. I literally had an out loud conversation with Him. I was over it! It was His and I just needed to TRUST. So, I did. I'll tell you, it was like the weight actually lifted. I was free and completely at His will. I had a great time with Reese at her school event.

That afternoon, after picking Reese up from school, I was in our living room and my phone rang in the kitchen. I thought to myself, "I bet that's Pat." I don't know why....I just felt it. Sure enough! It was Pat, our caseworker!!


That phone call marked the beginning of our journey to our daughter. The daughter who will one day sleep under our roof and make our family complete. She told me that she had great news for us. She had actually gone ahead and matched us with a little girl who had just come available for adoption. She told me she is 18 months old, with a cleft lip and cleft palate. Other than that (which is nothing), she is absolutely perfect, healthy, and beyond beautiful. This is where God starts leaving those little clues that it's His work.....Pat tells me where she is. She is actually in an orphanage that has a Facebook page!!! There are a few who have Facebook pages which I look at ALL the time. So, Pat sends me her file and her photo. I recognized her!!! I had seen her before!!! Her picture is on the orphanage's Facebook page, and get this.....I commented on her photo back in August about how beautiful she was! She has huge black eyes and some wild curly hair. So so cute! I knew it right then. She was ours. Our daughter. Forever. So then, our next gigantic hurdle was getting approval from India of the match. Would they consider us a good family for her? Since she is only 2 months younger than Gray, they consider that "artificial twinning," so we were so worried that they may deny us on account of that. Yesterday afternoon (Dec. 12th) as I was sitting in carline to pick up Reese, Pat calls. They had approved our match! Praise God! They approved and now we begin the journey to our daughter. OURS!!!! How crazy awesome is that?!


There are so many things that happen in this world that we will just never understand  until we're kneeling at the feet of Jesus. So much suffering and evil in the world that just make us ask WHY?. I was angry and crushed about the situation with K. Angry that she wouldn't live to know the love of a family....but she WILL know. Maybe not in her earthly life, but most definitely in her eternal life. I think this whole process and path to this point...to our daughter,  was to teach us to trust. We opened up to so many more special needs and our hearts grew softer and more compassionate and open throughout all of this....the waiting, the tears, the loss....all to bring us to this. We trusted enough to open ourselves, our home, our hearts and God gives us the most amazing gift. A perfect daughter who will come home and be able to run and play, to live a completely normal life....no heart surgeries, no prosthetics, no frequent doctors visits. We accepted K knowing that she needed heart surgery, knowing that she needed orthopedic treatment, knowing that she had a long road ahead. We trusted that God would provide and we wanted to bring her home and love her as our own. What we didn't know was that she would be taken from us. She was never really ours. It just wasn't in God's plan. I believe that God sent her to us to see if we would trust Him. Would we say no to her out of fear, or would we trust that He would provide? We chose to trust.


So, now we embark on another leg of our trip. The long road of paperwork, court, and all that's in between, to bring our baby home forever. This Christmas, our gift was seeing her face for the first time and knowing that she is ours...she's a Valas (or will be very soon). Next Christmas, I'm praying she'll be opening presents on Christmas morning with her brother and sister at her side. This is it! It is official! It feels incredible to be able to say that. We are so blessed in so many ways. Thank you to our friends and family for loving us and supporting us. Thanks especially to my tribe (you know who you are) for putting up with me and my craziness. I love you! I love you! I love you! I can't wait to set out on the road that will lead us to our daughter. I'm lacing up my running shoes, folks! Love to you all!

Thanks for traveling with us!


Abby

Love and Loss

“Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west… Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth.” – Isaiah 43:5-6

This is just one of the many scriptures that I have drawn some strength and comfort from over the last week. As I look back over this month, I laugh (through tears) because I thought it was the worst of our adoption journey.....that was until last week. In my last post, I told you of the referral of our sweet and perfect daughter. We have fallen completely in love with her. We have already imagined the rest of our lives loving her. We knew she had a serious heart condition, and we knew she needed multiple surgeries. We were prepared for that and all that was to come with it. We would do whatever we needed to do for her to make her healthy and give her a full and happy life. 

Last week, we learned that her heart condition is much worse than we thought. Even with surgery, it is unlikely that she will live a full life. Her condition is too far gone at this point and her only hope would be a heart and lung transplant, which the doctor here said is not always successful, if she even lived long enough to receive one. Going into this adoption process we knew it would be tough. We knew it would be long. We also knew there were precious special children half a world away who need loving families. We were prepared for all the bumps in the road. We were prepared for the long wait, for the frustration of things not moving fast enough. We were NOT prepared for this. We were NOT prepared to fall in love with a child only to find out she is dying. I have never had a miscarriage, so I do not in any way claim to know how that must feel, but if it's anything like this, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. 

Matt and I had an impossible decision to make. We discussed and considered bringing her home, loving her, and letting her live out the rest of her life with us. We also considered the impact that would have on Reese and Gray. Could we let them watch their sister die? The answer to that question was no. That would crush them and be a such a painful loss for them to experience at such a young age. I think things would be different if we didn't have them to consider too. So after much prayer we have decided to let K go. It makes me sick to think about it, but we feel like it is the best decision for our family and the right one to make. 

This whole process has been such a journey of faith for us. We have leaned on the Lord more than ever and have grown so much in our faith throughout all of this. With that said, after this loss, I have been angry. Why did God do this to her? Why has He done this to us? I know that God has a plan for us and I know that all of this is shaping us and her for something else, something greater. All of that known in my mind, my heart just can't understand. It's completely broken. It's so hard to trust right now. I will see her face every single day for the rest of my life. One of my sweet friends told me something that comforted me today. She will be in the arms of Jesus soon and we will get to meet her and hold her someday. We will be unmatched pretty soon and she will be available for adoption again. I pray that another family adopts her. I know those chances are slim, but I pray that she knows what the love of a family feels like before she's called from her earthly home. 

We have not told Reese yet. It kills us to hear her talk about her little sister knowing that she will never come home to us. We cannot tell her the truth. Reese cried when we told her that K needed heart surgery, so this would completely crush her. We will think of something to tell her. 

After this happened last week, I promised myself and Matt that we would keep all news to ourselves until it was all FINAL! After thinking and praying about that more, we've decided that it's not fair. When I started this blog, it was to document our journey and to tell the complete, wonderful, scary, beautiful, ugly, insanely tough story of adoption and what it really looks like. No sugar coating. No happily ever after. The real, honest, raw truth. Well, this is it. I talked about feeling stripped in a previous post. Matt and I feel so completely raw right now. I pray that we can start to rebuild now. I pray that the next referral we get will be the daughter that God has chosen for us. He is setting us up for something. He is opening our hearts more and more. He has opened us to more special needs. I know there is a plan behind all of it. Please pray for us. Please pray for wisdom and peace for us. Pray for a family for K. It's crazy how such joy can turn to such pain in a matter of seconds. We are slowly moving past this and are optimistically looking toward the future. My mom has been our rock through all of this. She helps give us the reassurance that we need that we are making the right decision. Our case worker, Pat, has also held us up through this decision, prayed for us and for K, and she has given us reassurance that we are making the right decision. 

So, through all of this, at the close of Thanksgiving, we are praising God and thankful for the blessings that He has given us. We are thankful for our amazing family who has supported us completely, for our friends and community who encourage us, and for our adoption agency and our caseworker, Pat. She's amazing woman of God who has worked tirelessly advocating for orphans the majority of her life. She will one day bring our baby to us. Through all the sad days, we still have so much to be thankful for! 

Thank you all for supporting us and for you kind words. Right now, we really need your prayers and thoughts. K needs them too. I'm hoping to have good news to share very soon, but it will be in His perfect timing. 

Love. 

Party of 5?!?!

It has been three long months since we decided not to pursue the match with J. Three very tough months of questioning ourselves, second guessing our decision, and just feeling like we were never going to see the end of this journey. Friday, Nov. 14th was the worst day I've had throughout this whole process. Matt had been gone for the week and I was just tired and sad. Friday always means two whole days without any possibilities. I sat on my couch with a pile of laundry in front of me in the middle of our messy house and just cried and prayed. You know...that seriously ugly cry that requires tissues for more than just your eyes? Oh, yes! I needed answers. I needed God to tell us exactly what to do. I prayed so hard for a clear answer from Him. Nothing vague....I mean like a big ole slap in the face and kick in the rear telling us what to do. Matt and I were at a point where we were thinking of stepping back and taking a break from the process for a little while. I prayed for movement for us, for our daughter to come to us SOON! I had peace after that. I knew He would provide answers.

Monday came and we were preparing for our yard sale that we had this past weekend (huge success, by the way). Matt came running downstairs with my phone in his hand talking to Pat, our caseworker. She wanted to tell us about a sweet little girl who just turned three this month. As Pat was telling us about her, before we ever saw her file, her special needs, her picture...we knew she was ours. God had answered. K has a serious heart condition which will require multiple surgeries when she comes home. She also has slight differences in her hands and one of her little legs. She is absolutely perfect! She is beautiful and she is OURS! The crazy thing is...her needs are actually more significant than J's were. When we saw her face, it didn't matter what she needed. We would do whatever we needed to for her. Everyone was absolutely right. When it's your daughter, you'll just know...and we do.

So now, the long long journey begins to get our baby home. First, CARA still has to approve our match. There is a chance they could say no to our match with K. We pray that doesn't happen and our caseworker is very optimistic, but nothing is ever guaranteed in India. K's adoption will also have to be processed through an Indian state that is moving very very slowly with adoptions right now. K needs surgery as soon as possible, so we're hoping for an expedited process so she can get the medical care she needs. It's unlikely that they will do that, but it's always worth a try.

Many of our family and friends have asked us how they can help. We're now at a point in our process where we need our friends and family more than ever! We wanted to wait until we had a referral to really start fundraising and enlisting the help of our friends, family, and community. Now, we have a beautiful little soul who needs to come home.

We have been so blessed by a wonderful non profit here in Birmingham, The Grace Klein Community! For our yard sale fundraiser, they provided a massive 20 foot trailer full of donations for us to sell to help raise money. We are now partnering with them to raise funds in another way.

Here is a little excerpt from The Grace Klein Community on how you can give "the gift of giving" this holiday season in the form of a tribute donation.

For every purpose and occasion, sharing is the perfect gift. A tribute  donation is a meaningful way to honor someone special in your life. Please consider using our “Giving the Gift of Community” certificates to make a tax deductible donation in lieu of material gifts in honor of a family member, a friend, a colleague or a client. It’s a unique and thoughtful way to honor someone this Christmas.

 If you would be interested in donating in honor of someone special or just for you, you may follow the link below and click the "donate" button under "Adoption Support." If you donate, please be sure to put our name in the memo section  when you make your donation to ensure that it will go toward our adoption fund. Grace Klein deals directly with our adoption agency and passes along all donations to them toward the expense of bringing K home.

http://gracekleincommunity.com/2013/announcement/giving-the-gift-of-community/

Thank you all so very much for all of the love and support you've shown us. If you're reading this, you're in it with us already and we love you and appreciate you every step of the way.


Okay, the following should probably be a separate post, but I don't want to get into detail (or get myself all worked up), so here goes:

On a totally separate note, I feel the need to get something off my chest and further open the lines of communication about our adoption.
We have had many questions asked of us about our adoption, especially in the recent days following our referral. Some so nice and sweet, some...not so much. Some supportive....others...well, you get the idea. If you have questions, please please ask. We will not be offended by genuine questions in the least. We want everyone to feel comfortable talking openly with us about our adoption. I have learned this past week that some people are uneducated, and others are just plain mean. (Obviously, this is a slight vent) Yes, our daughter has some obvious physical differences. Yes, we realize that she does not look like us. We are fully aware of ALL of that!! There is no need to rudely point that out or give your own opinion of those differences or to "diagnose" her. We know what her special needs are and we think she's perfect. She's ours. I have found the Momma Bear emerging a little bit in the last week. I am really hoping that this is not a glimpse of what we will have to deal with when K comes home. We want to empower her and for her to be proud. So, please just try to be sensitive with your comments. Ask yourself how you would feel if that question was asked of you, or that comment said about your child. If you'd be upset, then so will I. Whew....I sure feel better now. :) Thanks for traveling with us, friends!

Love.

Ups and Downs

I have debated whether or not to share this, but after a few days of healing and thinking, I realized that it's only fair. The only reason I would hold it close is because of the fear of what others may think of us. There goes that fear again.
Last week, our case worker called me and said the words that I have longed to hear...."let me tell you about a little girl." Oh how sweet those words were! She just turned 3 years old in July and she has a spinal issue is what we learned about her at first. We were bursting with excitement and dreaming of the possibilities that may lie ahead! Later that day, I got her file. My hands were shaking as I opened it. I was on the phone with Pat, our case worker, when I opened it and saw her face for the first time. She is beyond beautiful and the crazy thing is...she looks just like Gray! She has the most captivating black eyes and is just breathtaking. I didn't read her file for a while. I honestly couldn't get past that beautiful girl in the photo. I can't share her name, so we'll call her J. Matt was completely over the moon too and said he didn't want to look at her medical reports either. Both of us scared to find something...anything that may tear us away from her.
To just get to the thick of it, she has the most severe form of spina bifida (myelomeningocele with tethered cord). The miraculous part is that she can walk and even climb stairs! Most children born with this cannot walk at all. She had corrective surgery earlier this year and is doing great....for now. Also, about 90% of children with this type of SB also develop hydrocephalus (swelling and excess water in the brain), which is very serious. After reading all of this, doing endless research, and ending up more and more confused, we needed answers from someone who knew what they were looking at.

A sweet friend from high school, whom I regularly keep up with on Facebook had the good sense to marry a Neurosurgeon! Answered prayer! (Thank you Ambre and Chip) I contacted her and her husband looked at J's file and called me back immediately. He explained her condition to me in great detail and spent the time to make sure I understood all that her future may hold. I am forever grateful for that! He was so impressive, knowledgeable, and kind.  I won't go into detail about her condition, but my fears were calmed about some parts of her prognosis (she had very little risk of hydrocephalus), but intensified by others (the unknown of her physical condition). In the end, her future medical needs were just too uncertain for us to know if our family is capable of giving her the best life and the best possible care if her condition should deteriorate. Over time, she will likely need other surgeries on her spinal cord. The damage caused could be very minor and relatively insignificant, or it could be severe and cause  paralysis and incontinence.
The unknowns were scary, but there was much more to it than just her medical condition We were not formally matched yet, so there was no guarantee that we could be matched with her or that India would even approve the match. India does not like to place children for adoption out of birth order, meaning that they want the adopted child to be the youngest in the home. The timeline on just getting that approval could prove to be a very long wait, and if they denied the match she would wait even longer for her family. There are also issues in the state where she is located which make international adoption more difficult and the timeline is known to be much much longer there. In a nutshell, everything was stacked against us pursuing her match. Matt and I struggled with it for days. We felt horrible. We felt like we had let this sweet little girl down. This precious child with her future so uncertain. But then, I realized who had her future. She's in the hands of God and He will find her place in this world, even if it's not with us.
Throughout this entire process, I have felt God's steady presence, leading us exactly where we are supposed to be. I prayed for peace about accepting the match with J. All I needed was for God to give me peace about it and that would assure me that we were doing the right thing, no matter how difficult it would be. That peace never came. Instead, I just felt beaten down, torn, and drained. I know you moms out there know that gut feeling when something just isn't right. That feeling grew in me by the day. Making the definitive decision not to pursue the match was so hard. After a long conversation on our back porch, I called our case worker, Pat, and told her not to pursue trying to make the match. She is always so gracious, understanding, and supportive. I'm thankful for that, because that phone call tore me up. After I hung up, I cried for a while, then went for a run....and cried some more. (running and crying are not a good combo!) After that, guess what came?....Peace! God gave me the peace I prayed for. He gave it to me at just the right time. That's when I knew we made the right decision.
Here we are a few days later, and I can actually look at her picture with a smile on my face now. I know that her family is out there looking for her, and I hope her wait is short. Meanwhile, our daughter is waiting on us to find her, and I know God will lead us to her in His time. I also know He will give us peace when we do find her. Until then, we wait....
Thanks for traveling with us, friends! I also just want to say that your support means more to us than you will ever know. A lot of people say to me, "I know it's not much, but....." Let me tell you something....every single kind word, smile, hug of reassurance, is HUGE! It makes a world of difference on this journey.

Love

Raw and Uncut

I'm not quite sure where begin with this post. It's been a long time since I've posted anything here because while we were moving forward in our adoption process, completion of paperwork didn't exactly seem newsworthy or exciting. The problem is that I've been a mess of emotion that has remained concealed from most people in my life. This process has already started a shift in me that I cannot explain in words. It's a shift in the depths of who I am as a person and child of God. My whole identity and the shape of my soul is being molded into something new, something so much bigger than me. I started this blog so that our friends and family could travel this journey with us, and that includes every milestone, big or small, every raw emotion and fearful thought, and every boring update. Only then will you truly walk this journey with us and see it through our eyes. Thank you for traveling with us.

So I guess I'll just begin with the facts....the practical updates. Our home study is complete! Everything will go to India in a matter of a couple of weeks and we will be registered with the Central Adoption Resource Authority in India. At that point, we will be waiting on a referral! I laugh here because when I type that out, it all looks so simple...so straightforward, when in reality it's anything but!

All the other "stuff"

FEAR
Fear is satan's weapon. Fear is just another one of his lies. My most dominant fear is inadequacy. Now that we will soon be waiting on a referral, I'm terrified that we will have to refuse a referral. This happens all the time and is encouraged if you feel the special need is more than you can care for. If you didn't already know, we are in the process for a special needs adoption, so our daughter will be special needs of some sort. Fear of the unknown is the worst kind of fear. What if we get a referral and I see her face and then learn that her needs are more than we can provide for? Can we endure that heartbreak? That is such a selfish thought though, because that precious child needs a family...a mother and father...and we are inadequate to care for her. So she waits....she waits longer for a place to call home....because we are inadequate. There are families that we know who have refused 3 referrals before accepting one. They have all said that when you see your child's face, you just know. You know that that child is the child God chose for you before creation. She is yours and you are hers. I pray that is true.

STRIPPED
There is beauty under the ugliness, and peace after the pain. This process is stripping me...layer by layer, it is stripping me down to nothing but what I truly am. I'm not even sure what that is yet. The thought process of adoption has confronted me with emotions, thoughts, and impossible decisions that I would have not have faced otherwise. I am certain that I am nowhere near the core of my being just yet. My stripping has just begun. We have only been in this process a very short time, but the layers are beginning to come off. It's a vulnerable feeling. Those layers are ugly. They reveal to me (and everyone else) my faults, my failures, my shortcomings, my fears, the hate in my heart toward those I need to forgive, and all the other untruths I've told myself. All of it falls away and I am able to see it. It's painful to see all of that ugliness at my feet. The beauty will come with the new growth that comes from going through this process and this journey...the reconstruction. The peace will come as a result of that reconstruction. When we made the decision to adopt, I never dreamed that it would lead us through all of this, or that it would teach me SO much about myself, who I was before, who I am now, and what I am to become.... and about our Lord's grand plan (no clue what that is, by the way).

 I'll try not to let so much time pass before posting again. I just have not thought that my words, thoughts, and feelings were worthy of sharing since they didn't accompany news, but I will try not to hold back going forward. Until next time....LOVE.

So Much More Than Logistics

So many of our friends and family have asked us about the process of adoption and what all is involved. The short answer is there is no short answer. The more we're learning and moving through the steps, the more daunting it becomes. Right now, we're still in the "apply" stage and we have had to obtain abuse and neglect clearances from every state/country each of us have ever lived in for more than a month. For us, that means Alabama, Georgia, Oklahoma, Massachusetts, New York, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Delaware....oh, and let's not forget Loumia, Chad, Sharm el Sheikh, Egypt. Iraq and Afghanistan don't have abuse registries, so we didn't have to be cleared for those. All of this along with fingerprinting at the prison (that was fun, especially since it was visitation hour) and our FBI/ABI clearances. These usually take about 4-6 weeks to clear. We're hoping it won't be longer for us due to the insane amount of clearances we have to get. The tough part is that if your process does not move along as quickly as you hope for it to, sometimes these documents will expire and have to be redone. We have already started our pre adoption classes, so that's a slight step ahead!

The funny thing for me is that as we're now all in for the long haul, my fear and doubt have all but left me. I have such a peace about this and I know this is right for us. I find myself thinking about her, what she will look like, what her personality will be like, how all three of my kids will play together and grow together for the rest of their lives. Sisters have such a strong bond and I'm excited to see her and Reese together. It is kind of like being pregnant in a way, except maybe even a little harder. Like carrying a baby from conception, I love her already even though I have never seen her face or heard her voice. I say that it's a little harder because pregnancy has an end date and you know when you'll be going home with your baby. You know for certain that she'll have a warm soft bed, good food to eat, toys to play with, someone to hug her and love her and let her know how special she is. With adoption, you can only pray for all of those things for your baby until she's in your arms and under your care. I find myself wondering if she's been born yet, wondering how she came to be at the orphanage, wondering if she has someone to love her and protect her until she can come home to me. I can already tell that this will without a doubt be the most life changing experience of our lives. Not because we'll be bringing another child into our family, but because of how this process will change us forever. 

Matt and I were joking the other night about how our lives look nothing like what we once envisioned them to be. When we got married, we even discussed not having kids. We wanted to have a life of luxury where we could vacation all the time, have a big beautiful home, have lavish things. Ohhhhh how different it all is now! We have two kids whom I get to stay home with and live off of one income. I'm thankful that Matt wanted that for our family and even more thankful for him and how good he is to  me. Our house is messy sometimes and I don't always get to take a shower everyday (shhh don't tell anybody that), our dog barks constantly and bites people, our kids are loud and rambunctious and love each other like crazy! Our life is nothing like what we had imagined.....It is so so so much better than we could have ever hoped for! We see things so differently now. Money and material things mean so little, experience and making those memories together means everything! Don't get me wrong here...we do have a beautiful home, and our single income is more than we could ever need. We have been very blessed financially, and we have been blessed with a wonderful family and friends who love us and are so supportive. I loved Matt so much the day that I married him, but now I look back on that day and know that it was the day that I loved him the least. 

I started writing this as a strictly informational post and well....you see how it turned out. Thank you for letting me share a piece of my heart with you even if it was unintended. Well, now that I have rambled on and on, I'll get back to sharing the process of the adoption :) Here it is! I'm going to be editing this as we go along and adding all of the hoops to jump through, not only for ourselves to look back, but for other families considering the process. :) I'm going to try to pin this post to the top so it's easier to see where we are in the process. 

1. Apply to Children of the World

• complete preliminary application ($150)
• Provide 6 references/written references sent to COTW
• Obtain abuse and neglect clearances from all states/countries lived in for more than 1 month. 
• Alabama, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Georgia, New York, Egypt, Afghanistan, Iraq, Bosnia, Africa. (some countries didn't have registries) :) 
• Complete fingerprinting and obtain ABI/FBI clearances ($110) 
• Complete final application
• Complete and submit the following documents: 
• Certified copies of birth certificates and marriage certificate ($140)
• Notarized Bank letters for each account: balance/deposits for last year, and savings 
• Complete financial statement 
• Med Care Agreement and Consent to Release Information
• Complete medical exams for all four of us, have them notarized, and have kids' TB tests. 
• Provide proof of insurance for adopted child
• Conviction statement
• Certified copy of property deed
• Notarized employment verification letter. 
• Another police clearance at the local level. 
• Complete autobiographies for both of us. 
• Technology fee ($150)
• All info will be given to social worker to begin home study! 

2. Begin mandatory pre adoption classes

• Completed classes May 2014

3. Complete homestudy process

4. Register with CARA (homestudy is sent at this time) For healthy babies and children you may register on the first day of each month only. There is a quota for healthy babies. They accept the first 100 families. For special needs, you may register at any time. There is no quota for special needs.

5. Complete CIS process and receive approval

6. Prepare the dossier for India

7. Wait for a referral. Referral time varies from 6-18 months.

8. Accept referral

9. Wait for CARA clearance (NOC)

10. Wait for legal process from the court

11. Receive guardianship papers from the courts in India

At this point you will decide if you will file the I800 here or travel to India and file in New Delhi.

12. Apply for the child’s visa. Your child will have an Indian passport and will need a travel visa to enter the U.S. Return to the Unites States with your child.

13. Complete the Post Placement visits

14. Finalize adoption through the U.S. courts and obtain U.S. citizenship for your child.

The cost to adopt from India is app. $25,000. This includes travel and lodging for two people. We will be doing fundraisers in the future to help with the cost of it all. 

CARA (Central Adoption Resource Authority)

CIS (Citizenship & Immigration Service)

NOC (No Objection Certificate) 

Love to you all, and thank you for following our journey.

Why Adoption? Why India?...and other pressing questions.

For the most part, our news is out. We are adopting a little girl from India. So, what comes next? Right now, we're just focusing on getting our paper trail started with background checks, FBI/ABI clearances, references, and much more. Since our announcement, we have gotten a number of questions. Please ask questions!!! It is okay. You may ask whatever comes to mind. If you are curious about anything, we want you to ask! We will not be offended in the least. So here are a few of the big ones....

What made you want to adopt?

Adoption is something that we have discussed periodically over the last few years. Nothing serious, just discussion. After Gray was born, I was sure I was done. We didn't want any more children. Our family felt complete. Then, I began to follow the adoption story of an old high school friend and his wife, who were also adopting from India. I followed their journey to get their little girl from her orphanage. As I casually flipped through their story in photos, the image of a little orphan boy stopped me in my tracks. He had these beautiful piercing eyes. The next photo was of him in a corner with eyes closed and sucking his thumb for comfort all alone on the floor. I was terrified to talk to Matt, so I mentioned it to my mother. Her response was not at all what I had expected. She was so supportive and encouraged me to follow my heart on this one. Over the next week or so, I continued to talk with my mother and dug into research on countries open for adoption, the process, and the stories of others following the path to adoption. 

I had no idea how Matt would react to such a suggestion, so I just blurted it out during an episode of House Hunters! He wasn't shocked, but said he needed some time to let it sink in. I too needed more confirmation that this was the right decision for us. The following night, we attended a Home and Garden Show where we struck up a conversation with none other than a mattress salesman (Tempurpedic to be exact). Throughout the course of that conversation, we learned that this man lived just down the street from us. Out of nowhere, he begins to tell us the story of the adoption of his son, and then goes on to tell us the adoption story of a family friend from Russia. Matt and I just looked at each other, neither of us saying a word. We felt like that was the confirmation we were looking for to move forward in our research and discussion of adoption. 

Over the next month, we continued to study and research international adoption and finally came to the decision that it was something we wanted to pursue. That's when we were led to India. 

Why India? Why a girl?

There are many factors that led us to India; some of which I won't get into. After I brought up the topic of adoption to Matt and mentioned the prospect of India, he said that he had been reading about the mistreatment of girls and female infanticide in India. It is heartbreaking, and a very hard truth to accept. We take for granted the value of human life in the United States. Sadly, baby girls are murdered every day in many countries simply because they are girls. I came across a short video on the blog of another adoptive family that sums it all up pretty well. I hope that this helps you all to understand and answers some of those questions. It is slightly difficult to watch. 

Other less complicated questions:

Age? 1 to 3 years

How is she chosen for your family? Do you get to choose? We will be matched with a child based on the needs of that child and the current dynamic of our family and household. They work to make the best possible match for the child and family. 

How will you handle religion? Will she be raised Catholic? Yes, she will be raised Catholic. We are a Catholic family, and all of our children will be raised Christian. We will, however, teach her about the culture, religious practices, etc. of her native country as she grows up. 

How could a mother just leave her baby and care so little? In many cases, surrendering her baby girl is the most difficult and bravest thing that mother may ever do. Many mothers take their baby girls to orphanages to save their lives. In other cases, the mother may not be able to care for her child and again will surrender the child in order to save the life of her baby. Obviously, there are also mothers who simply abandoned their children, and they are found and brought to the orphanage. My heart hurts for these birthmothers. There will be future posts on this topic because it is dear to me. I will have a birthmother to thank for my beautiful baby girl. 

How long will it all take? When will you bring her home? This, my friends, is the million dollar question. It can take anywhere from 10 months or less up to two years or more! Right now, we're just getting all of our paperwork together and submitted. It is all very overwhelming. At this point, I have no idea what our timeline will look like. 

Again, please ask questions. We are still learning about this process and there are so many things I still am unaware of or don't understand. I will post to this page as we move through the process and hit each milestone that is one step closer to meeting our daughter. 

Welcome

Friends and Family,

I've decided to start this blog about our adoption journey for a number of reasons. We are just beginning down this road and have already seen just how bumpy the ride can actually be. So, while this blog will partially be to keep those we love informed about where we are in the process as we get closer to bringing our sweet girl home, this will also be for my own benefit to have an outlet to discuss the ins, outs, frustrations, setbacks, and triumphs of this whole crazy process that is international adoption. If you're here, you're already traveling with us, so buckle in folks.