"I'm a pout pout fish..."

Waiting. It's never really been my forte. I'm more of a "I know what I want. I want it now. I will do whatever it takes to get it." kind of girl. I'm a doer. It has been one month and 19 days since we first saw our daughter's face. For those of you who haven't seen her yet, let me just tell you, she's beautifully perfect! After we were matched with her, CARA approved our match in only 7 days, and we immediately signed and mailed all of our paperwork to accept her and her special need. Well, as it would turn out, cleft lip/cleft palate was NOT originally on our home study approved by the state or USCIS. Sooooo, we need an addendum. Yay! Super pumped about that extra $360 just to change two words on a piece of paper. Our agency is pretty awesome and got the updated home study completed and in the mail on Dec. 19th to the Alabama State Office of Adoption. 

So, at present it's been over a month!!!! A MONTH people! My eye is twitching as I type this. Our agency emailed us today to tell us that they still have not received our approval letter from the state and we cannot send off to USCIS until we have it! I'm then told that the woman over the letters M-Z is well known for taking a LONG time to get things done and that she's probably even more behind with the holidays just behind us. Really?! (eye twitch) Does this woman not realize that every single day she lolly gags around is one more day that our daughter goes without a family? One more night that my baby halfway around the world goes to sleep alone without a kiss from her mother? Days that I will never get back. Days that are gone forever! She has single handedly taken over a month away from us! It makes me fume to think of her sitting there with the power to send just one piece of paper to help bring my daughter home......but she doesn't do it! Our agency is going to call her tomorrow and tell her we need it now. And who knows how long it will take for USCIS to approve after that. I know..."It's in God's hands and all will come in His perfect timing"....blah blah blah. I may need to give it up, but I'm feeling some kind of stubborn right now. In recent days, I've been like the fish in one of Reese's books..." I'm a pout pout fish with a pout pout face and I spread the dreary wearies all over the place. Blub. Blub. Blub." Here's to hoping for some movement this week! Until then...It's my party and I'll cry if I want to! :) 

In other more exciting news...In just 7 days, Elin will see our faces! She'll know she has a Mommy, a Daddy, a big sis, and a "twin" brother all waiting for her to come home! My sweet friend, whose daughter is in the same orphanage will be flying to India in just 5 days to bring her daughter home. My heart leaps for her! She has had lots of practice in patience throughout her process, and countless unnecessary delays. But...alas...her day is upon us!  She's taking our photo book, a doll, and a blanket to Elin for us. She's also going to get photos AND videos of Elin for us! VIDEOS!!! Oh! The anticipation is killing me! Remember? Not so good at this wondrous trait they call patience. Nope. Don't have it. 

So, if our little family happens to cross your mind this week, please say a little prayer, send some positive energy, some good juju....whatever ya got, we'll take it! We need to get this step out of the way because this is just the tip of the iceberg. This is supposed to be the easy part. Moving into the Indian court system will be a whole other level of patience exercises for this girl! (eye twitch). Break out the wine and settle in. 

Thanks for traveling with us! 

Love, 

Abby

All Things New

Tonight is just one of those nights...you know...the nights when you lay in bed desperate to fall asleep. You watch the clock as the hours tick by and cringing with every passing hour because you know that a little person will be bouncing into your room bright and early wanting breakfast? NOW! I tried to go to bed early tonight, and laid there with a million things swirling around in my mind. It goes a little something like this...

Do we have eggs in the downstairs refrigerator?  I need to get something for Olivia (my friend who is picking up her daughter and taking a package to S for me). Maybe I'll get a picture frame. I really need to clean out the fridge tomorrow. That questionable smell is getting worse. Yes! I will get a picture frame and have something brilliant engraved on it. I really need to get Gray some more toaster scrambles since he won't eat anything else. Gotta wash the sheets downstairs for my parents coming tomorrow. What clever caption should I put on Olivia's picture frame? I've got it!! (not gonna tell because what if she reads this!:) ) 

So, you get the idea. One of those nights where you try to clear your head, but you just can't do it. So, here I am...up, talking to you. 

First and foremost, we have a name! Praise God! We have a name! In case you didn't know, Matt is the absolute worst at choosing names. I come up with a list of names that are acceptable. He comes up with none. He likes none of mine. When asked what he does like, he says, "I don't know. When you say the right name, I'll let you know." Oh, help me! I'm shocked that we've named a dog and two kids already! When I was pregnant with Gray, I forced him to make a list of names. Of course, he makes a total joke of it coming up with names like Vlad. He made his list on a Publix grocery list sheet that had all of the sections marked. You know...dairy, produce, canned goods, etc. Well...meat was also on there and fell right in the middle of his list of names, so he counted Meat as one of his names. So, Gray was referred to as Meat for most of my pregnancy. Nice, huh? Glad that one didn't stick. I'm not sure which is worse...Meat or Vlad? I do, however, absolutely love our sweet daughter's name. She will be Elin Sumithra Valas. This will be Elin's last New Year without a family. 

Many of my sleepless nights, just like this one, have been spent reflecting on my year in 2014 and I have really just now realized what a pivotal year it has been. I'm a different person. I truly believe that this experience has made me a different person entirely. Not necessarily the adoption piece of it, but becoming so much more aware of the needs around me...around all of us. Things that are actually important. Things that really matter. Have you ever thought about the fact that we bathe in drinking water? Drinking water, people! We bathe in the stuff while people in India and other developing countries die daily because they don't have access to clean drinking water. I have this awesome thing in my kitchen where I can put food and it keeps it cold and fresh! It's like magic! Really. It is. And if one day I find that there's nothing in this magical box, I just hop into my personal mode of transportation and drive down to the massive warehouse of food and stock up on what I need. We truly do not realize how fortunate we all are. It's these things that I think about. It's thinking about Elin half a world away and wondering if someone holds her when she cries or comforts her when she's scared. Is she getting enough to eat? Does she have clean clothes to wear? A comfortable bed to sleep in? What about the child in the crib next to her with a much more severe special need? Will she be adopted or will she be left in her orphanage until she ages out and then put onto the streets? There are 153 million just like her...who need families. It's such a far cry from the things that used to consume my life. I have purpose now. Real purpose. An important purpose. Even if it's just one child, it's one less. And I will spend the rest of my life advocating for these children. 

Before, I strived for perfection. Always. Well...the appearance of perfection. I was the mom who totally had it all together (even if I didn't), who took on way more than I should have just to please others, who sometimes even set aside my own family to keep up that appearance that I could do it all. I was the mom who shoved all our junk in the living room off to the side, just out of the frame of the photo I was going to post online. Yep! I had the spotless house even if I didn't. Don't judge...I know you've done it too! :) For some reason, I needed that validation from the outside that I was a great mom and wife, and had all of my ducks in a perfect row all the time. What I failed to see is what that looked like from the inside out. All of that energy that I've always put into trying to appear perfect has now been channeled into things that really matter. My family matters. I matter. My kids matter. My sweet Indian princess of a daughter matters (I pity the person who thought she didn't)! She may come from an orphanage, but she's never been an orphan. It just took a little while longer for her to find her family.  

So, now here we are in 2015. This, my friends, is going to me an amazing year! 2015 is the year! This year we will travel to India to bring her home. Our first day of forever will happen this year! It's getting a little more real now and a whole lot more scary. I'll be honest, there have been moments when I've thought, "what are we doing?!" Those moments are fleeting and I know are just satan trying to use doubt and fear to try to steal my joy. I honestly thought the same thing when I got pregnant with Gray! What are we doing?! Two kids?! Now, there's a chance that this adoption won't be our last. During one of those doubtful moments, Matt said something to me that has stuck with me.  I asked him if we were doing the right thing by adopting. He said, "How could it ever be the wrong thing?" It's opened our eyes. 

We have been so humbled and overwhelmed by all of the love and support that our community and most of our family and friends have shown us. My sweet mom has been the strong woman she always is and has guided me through some of my darkest days. I was unsure in the beginning how my mom would feel about us adopting. Her opinion matters to me and she couldn't be happier for us or more excited to have another grandchild. It saddens me, but not everyone is so supportive and that has been weighing very heavily on me. Please pray for them. That they will see what we see, understand why we choose adoption, and love Elin like we do. I know that adoption is not for everybody. I know that sometimes it's hard to understand why people choose the things they do. It's not about understanding, though. It's about love and supporting those you love. I hope that we can all go into the New Year with a new perspective, open minds, and open hearts. 

2015! This is the year! Thanks for traveling with us! 

Love, 

Abby