Valas Famly Adoption T-Shirt Launch!

Hi Friends! I am so excited to introduce our tanks and tees to help support our adoption. All proceeds go toward our adoption expenses to help bring our Elin home...AND you get an awesome t-shirt! The prices include all fees and shipping. All you have to do is click on the Buy Now PayPal link to the left of the page and type your order (sizes, quantities, and colors) into the comments section when you make your payment. If you're on the mobile version, you may follow the link below. There is a great variety of colors and styles to choose from! For all of you T-shirt snobs out there (you know who you are), our shirts are being printed on Bella+Canvas tees. Top quality! You can check them out at www.bellacanvas.com
The quote below the elephant is one of my favorites from Mother Teresa. "I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples."

I will take orders for approximately 30 days and place one bulk order, so be sure to get yours now!

Buy Now- Paypal Link for Mobile Users

Women's tanks come in Red, Charcoal, Blue, Mint, and Pink.

Sizes range from XS-2XL
$28.00

Unisex Tees come in Blue, Red, Pink, Charcoal, and Mint

Sizes range from XS-4XL
$25.00

Youth Tees come in Pink, Neon Green, Blue, Red, and Charcoal

Sizes range from XS-XL
$23.00

Thank you all for your love and support! 

Three months of missed posts....Yep, I'm a slacker! I'll own it...

Finding the words....that has been my struggle over the past three months since my last post. It's been three months and I can't begin to tell you how many times I've sat down, opened my computer, and stared at this blank screen trying with everything I have to just get it all out there. There's just SO SO much of it that I don't even know where or how to begin. I know you totally feel me! It's kind of like when your house is a total freakin' wreck and there's junk everywhere with last night's dishes in the sink....and you stand in the middle of all of that mess, do a 360 and look around, and then decide to just go take a nap because it's just too dang overwhelming at that moment.....sort of like that. 


I would start with the facts of where we are in our process, but I don't want to. I'll get to that later. I'll start with what's weighed heaviest on me and go from there. My family has never really done anything huge and grand for Mother's Day, and really, I'm cool with that. I don't need flowers or a fancy breakfast or a lavish gift. I'm pretty stoked if the dishwasher has been emptied and I didn't have to be the one to do it! It's the little things. This year, however, is my first Mother's Day with three children. My first Mother's Day where I actually thought...I mean really thought...about what it is to be a mother. Our adoption process has made me see motherhood from a completely different perspective. 


Being a mother requires sacrifice, but I never truly realized just how much some mothers sacrifice for their children. Mothers who give birth to babies that they can't afford to feed and their options are to put them up for adoption or watch them die. Mothers who give birth to baby girls and are forced by warped cultural notions to abandon them. Mothers who have babies who have been murdered at birth because of gender or a special need. Mothers who will live with that loss and that grief every single day of their lives. Brave mothers who have left horrendous situations with great risk to their safety just to protect their children. These are impossible decisions and decisions that must cut so deep and leave the ugliest scars on the souls of these precious women. I look around at how we celebrate Mother's Day here in the United States and other developed countries, and I see beautiful flowers and gifts, meals prepared by four generations of women all in one kitchen, photos plastered all over social media of the smiling faces of people all over celebrating their mothers. It really is such a beautiful thing. 


This year, I just can't help but think of our daughter's birth mother. I wonder if she grieves for the daughter she lost. I wonder if she thinks of her often. I wish she knew that her daughter is already loved beyond measure. I wonder if she could have ever imagined that her baby would end up in the United States. I wish she knew that we will be forever grateful to her for her ultimate sacrifice of her child so that she could receive the medical care that she needed and be given a fair chance at life. I honor her not just on Mother's Day, but every day. I wish that Elin could know her. I wish she could see her face and know where those beautiful features of hers came from. It absolutely breaks my heart to know that that will never ever be a possibility, to know that Elin will carry those questions with her for her entire life. I wish I could get those answers for her....more than anything in the world.  All I will have to give her is what little information that I have. I'd love to think that we will be enough for her, but we won't. We will never be able to replace that void for her. 


We have so many people say to us that Elin is just so lucky. I know that everyone means that in such a loving way. She's not lucky, though. She has had more tragedy and loss and pain in her short little 2 years of life than most of us can imagine in a lifetime. It pains me so much to say this, but her loss and pain is not over! There will be more to come and sadly, it will be caused by us. When we come to bring her home, we will be taking her away from everything she has ever known...taking her away from the women who have loved her and cared for her...who have seen her first steps, heard her first words, dried her tears over and over. I can't imagine how traumatic that will be for her to be torn from her home and taken by strangers. It will be such a joyous time for us and for her, but we will also have to watch her grieve for those losses.  Adoption is born of great loss and great tragedy, but there is also redemption and beauty in it. 


Okay, so now that I've gotten my belated Mother's Day thoughts out there, I have some pretty fun news....well, actually two doses of fun news!!! First, Elin's orphanage is in the process of getting the paperwork they need for us to move forward!!! We have been waiting on that for quite some time, but thankfully things have panned out so that we didn't lose much time at all as far as our timeline goes. We are currently waiting on two approvals, and then will be filed in court. We're hoping to travel sometime in the early Fall!! Obviously, there are no guarantees on anything, but that's what I'm hoping for anyway. A girl can dream, right? 


And my BIG BIG BIG news is that we have asked one of our dearest friends, Monica Cramer, to accompany us to India to document our trip for us....and she said YES!!!!!! Hot damn, I'm excited!!! Okay, I'll tone it down a bit...but yes, I'm very excited about this! We had looked into bringing a professional photographer with us and Rob and Tammy Renner had so graciously said that they would love to come, but they're amazing photographers and have weddings and other engagements to attend to and simply cannot break away for 10 days at the drop of a hat. (By the way, if you need a photographer in the Fairhope, AL area, they are incredible! All their work is phenomenal, but I think their beach portraits are to die for!) So, we then turned our attention to our circle of friends. We talked it over for a very long time. Our main purpose in bringing an extra person with us was to capture every little second of our first 10 days with Elin. All of those little firsts....the first hug, kiss, bath, brushing of teeth....We have already missed so much of her life, so that time with her will be all the more special. We wanted someone to capture all the firsts with her....the good, bad, and even the ugly. THAT is what was important to us. In thirty years, I just want us to look back at those pictures and for her to be able to see where she came from and her new beginning with us. We also wanted someone close to us who we are comfortable with and love, someone who has already been walking this road with us from the beginning. Someone who can see it through our eyes and know how special this is to us. We are so thrilled and beyond honored that she has agreed to come with us and share in this time with us. 

Okay, my friends, thanks for enduring my rambling summarization of three months of missed posts, but Y'all know I'm a slacker so I't's cool, right? I always say this, but I promise I won't let so much time pass next time. Here's to hoping I'll have some exciting news to share sometime soon and I'll be forced to spread the word!! All the love in the world to you guys and gals! 

Thanks for traveling with us! 

LOVE!!! 

"Did You Get To Pick One?" and other questions you may want to reconsider...

Political correctness...hmmm...not really my thing. I have come a long way in my 31 years and have actually developed a pretty sufficient filter. It works when I need it to. My dear friends who have stuck with me all these years can tell you that I've put my foot (or whole stinking' leg) in my mouth more times than I'd like to admit. So, what I want to share with you is something that I would have needed a few years back, and probably even just before I became an adoptive Mommy. In recent weeks, I've seen countless articles, blog posts, and various other forms of media on the topic of "What not to say to an adoptive family" or "What every adoptive family wants you to know." They just keep popping up, so I feel led to respond and address the issue.  For the record, I think that most of them are all crap. The ones I've read are self righteous, snotty, and have the general message of..."I'm better than you and you have NO idea what I'm going through....OR how amazing I am." Like I said...crap.


I think I have a pretty thick skin and am not easily offended...like ever...quite possibly because I have often been the offender a time or two...or most of the time. So, here's the deal friends...I'm going to take you through some of the questions/comments that I've fielded that those "other" moms think are sooooo offensive and give you some alternatives. We all know that it's never what we say that gets us into trouble. It's the way we say it and the words we choose. I think that the general public outside of the adoption community simply doesn't know the "right" words to use when asking these questions. And many adoptive families are honestly incredibly hypersensitive. From my experience, most of these "offensive" questions and comments have come from close family and friends...All people who love us dearly and would never say anything to hurt us. Please know that if you have asked any of these, I was not offended in the least and am so honored that you would love me and my family enough to want to know. Please keep asking! These comments and questions come from a really good place...a place of love, and really just simple curiosity. And that, my friends, is OKAY!


So, here we go... in no particular order...


1. "Why did her real mother/parents give her up?" or worse.."Why didn't her real parents want her?"

I have heard this one quite a bit. Okay, let's start by defining "real parents." What is a "real" parent? A real parent is the one who holds and rocks her baby's little body when she's sick; the one who wipes tears, boogers, butts, and God only knows what else; who tells her she's smart and important, who encourages her and believes in her when she doesn't believe in herself, who chases the monsters away at night, who grounds her when she's 15 for being a sassy, backtalking pain in the rear...and a million other things. That's a "real" parent. Any yahoo can do the deed and give birth. It's what comes after all that that makes someone a parent. So, I am her REAL parent. The end. The second part to this one is that it's simply not my story to tell. That story belongs to my daughter. It is hers and hers alone. I think that she has a right to know her own story before the rest of the world does. If she chooses to share that story, then it's hers to share. Until she can make that decision, I will hold it like my life depends on it. I will protect it and keep it just for her. She owns her story. Not me. It's not mine to share. So honestly, this question is one that is best left alone. If an adoptive mom wants to share these details with you, she will.



2. "Did you get to pick one?"

Okay, I admit, I kind of chuckle a little when I hear this one. Yes, I got to go in and pick the shiniest, prettiest one with the best "new car" smell! Ummm, no. That's not at all how this works, folks. :) The Earthly logistics go something like this...family applies for adoption with an agency...lots and lots and LOTS of paperwork happen...the agency matches your family with a child that they feel will best fit with your family. Now, with that said, God chose my daughter for me. She was always mine and has been from the beginning of time. Just because I did not physically give birth to her, does not mean that she's any less mine than the ones that did grow within me. She grew in another woman's womb, but God made her for us and us for her. She was created to be a Valas as she was perfectly knitted together in her birthmother's womb. So, yes...someone "picked one", but it wasn't me. :)

Instead of saying that, try this: "So I'm very interested. Please tell me how this all works? How did your child become part of your family?"


3. "Do you have any children of your own?" or "Are you going to have any of your own?"

Let's refer back to #1 and #2. My daughter is "my own" just as much as any of my other kids are "my own."  We all know what you meant and it wasn't malicious, but instead try wording it like this: "Do you have other/biological children too?" As for the second question, let's just leave this one alone. Couples choose adoption for different reasons. Maybe they had fertility issues and they don't want to tell you about every little detail....because well...it's none of your dang business. If so, maybe they will continue to grow their family through adoption. In any case, ALL of our children are our OWN children. These questions are ones that are usually best left alone unless you are extremely close to that adoptive mom/family...and in that case, you'd likely already know those answers and wouldn't need to ask in the first place.


4. "What's wrong with her?"

Okay, this one does increase my blood pressure a bit. When people learn that your child is special needs, the immediate knee-jerk response is..."well, what's wrong with her?" Alrighty....well there's nothing wrong with her. She's pretty perfectly awesome if you ask me or any other adoptive mom adopting a special needs child. Now, I know that people don't mean to be insensitive, and I absolutely keep that in mind all the time. A better way to ask this would be: "I bet she's precious! What's her special need?"


5. "She is so lucky!"

We are blessed to be her parents for sure. WE are very lucky to have been given such a gift. However, let's not forget why adoption exists in the first place. Adoption is born of great tragedy. In a perfect world, she would stay with her birth parents to be loved and cared for in her own country, immersed in her own culture surrounded by her family and people who look just like her. Unfortunately, we live in a horribly broken world where adoption is a last resort...especially international adoption. So, no. I would not consider her "lucky." Yes, her life and ours will be blessed immeasurably by adoption.  Instead, try this: "What a blessing she will be to your family!"


6. "How much did she cost?"

Okay friends, adoption is freakin' expensive! What you mean to say and should say is this: "I've heard that adoption is very costly. If you don't mind me asking, what was the cost for your process?" Personally, I have absolutely zero issue answering this question. In fact, I like to share that information because I think it's important for people to know what you're going through financially. If another family is considering adoption, the cost is a huge factor to consider. If it's family and friends of an adoptive family, it's important for them to know too so that they may be able to help with fundraising efforts if they choose.


7. "Why don't you adopt from the US? Our foster care system has tons of children who need families." or  "International adoption is just a fad that celebrities started."

Again, people choose adoption in general for many different reasons. I won't get into my personal reasons for international vs. domestic because it's just not relevant in this particular post. What I will say is that it's not anyone's place to make judgements of adoptive parents and the ways in which they choose to grow their families. If you genuinely want to know and are asking with a pure and loving heart, then I think that is perfectly okay. I'm happy to share my reasons with anyone who asks me. As for the second question here, just don't go there. It proves you're an ignoramus and that's just not something you want to advertise. It's not becoming.


One major rule...only ONE! Never, ever, ever ask any questions or make any comments in front of the child or any of the family's children. Ever. It's a big no no. Don't do it. Just don't!


I think I've covered the high points here, the ones that I've fielded or heard discussed within the adoption community. So, if you're the family or friends of an adoptive family and have asked any of these, just consider rewording your questions next time. And adoptive families, FOR THE LOVE...get your undies out of your rear and your nose out of the air and understand that these questions aren't meant to offend you. They usually come from people who love you and care for you. Use these moments as teaching moments and just talk to your loved ones (or even random strangers) and gently let them know what's okay and what's not. Now, there may also be instances where you do encounter the intentionally mean, hateful, or insensitive, in which case, you may bring out the claws. I don't have a cure fore stupid...sorry. :) 


As for my own family and friends (and also even random strangers) I'm an open book. If you've found my blog, even if we've never met, you're on this journey with us too, so welcome friend! If you want to know, just ask. If you're following our journey, you're connected to us and our little family in some way....big or small...you're connected.


Thanks for traveling with us!


Love, Abby :)

"I'm a pout pout fish..."

Waiting. It's never really been my forte. I'm more of a "I know what I want. I want it now. I will do whatever it takes to get it." kind of girl. I'm a doer. It has been one month and 19 days since we first saw our daughter's face. For those of you who haven't seen her yet, let me just tell you, she's beautifully perfect! After we were matched with her, CARA approved our match in only 7 days, and we immediately signed and mailed all of our paperwork to accept her and her special need. Well, as it would turn out, cleft lip/cleft palate was NOT originally on our home study approved by the state or USCIS. Sooooo, we need an addendum. Yay! Super pumped about that extra $360 just to change two words on a piece of paper. Our agency is pretty awesome and got the updated home study completed and in the mail on Dec. 19th to the Alabama State Office of Adoption. 

So, at present it's been over a month!!!! A MONTH people! My eye is twitching as I type this. Our agency emailed us today to tell us that they still have not received our approval letter from the state and we cannot send off to USCIS until we have it! I'm then told that the woman over the letters M-Z is well known for taking a LONG time to get things done and that she's probably even more behind with the holidays just behind us. Really?! (eye twitch) Does this woman not realize that every single day she lolly gags around is one more day that our daughter goes without a family? One more night that my baby halfway around the world goes to sleep alone without a kiss from her mother? Days that I will never get back. Days that are gone forever! She has single handedly taken over a month away from us! It makes me fume to think of her sitting there with the power to send just one piece of paper to help bring my daughter home......but she doesn't do it! Our agency is going to call her tomorrow and tell her we need it now. And who knows how long it will take for USCIS to approve after that. I know..."It's in God's hands and all will come in His perfect timing"....blah blah blah. I may need to give it up, but I'm feeling some kind of stubborn right now. In recent days, I've been like the fish in one of Reese's books..." I'm a pout pout fish with a pout pout face and I spread the dreary wearies all over the place. Blub. Blub. Blub." Here's to hoping for some movement this week! Until then...It's my party and I'll cry if I want to! :) 

In other more exciting news...In just 7 days, Elin will see our faces! She'll know she has a Mommy, a Daddy, a big sis, and a "twin" brother all waiting for her to come home! My sweet friend, whose daughter is in the same orphanage will be flying to India in just 5 days to bring her daughter home. My heart leaps for her! She has had lots of practice in patience throughout her process, and countless unnecessary delays. But...alas...her day is upon us!  She's taking our photo book, a doll, and a blanket to Elin for us. She's also going to get photos AND videos of Elin for us! VIDEOS!!! Oh! The anticipation is killing me! Remember? Not so good at this wondrous trait they call patience. Nope. Don't have it. 

So, if our little family happens to cross your mind this week, please say a little prayer, send some positive energy, some good juju....whatever ya got, we'll take it! We need to get this step out of the way because this is just the tip of the iceberg. This is supposed to be the easy part. Moving into the Indian court system will be a whole other level of patience exercises for this girl! (eye twitch). Break out the wine and settle in. 

Thanks for traveling with us! 

Love, 

Abby

All Things New

Tonight is just one of those nights...you know...the nights when you lay in bed desperate to fall asleep. You watch the clock as the hours tick by and cringing with every passing hour because you know that a little person will be bouncing into your room bright and early wanting breakfast? NOW! I tried to go to bed early tonight, and laid there with a million things swirling around in my mind. It goes a little something like this...

Do we have eggs in the downstairs refrigerator?  I need to get something for Olivia (my friend who is picking up her daughter and taking a package to S for me). Maybe I'll get a picture frame. I really need to clean out the fridge tomorrow. That questionable smell is getting worse. Yes! I will get a picture frame and have something brilliant engraved on it. I really need to get Gray some more toaster scrambles since he won't eat anything else. Gotta wash the sheets downstairs for my parents coming tomorrow. What clever caption should I put on Olivia's picture frame? I've got it!! (not gonna tell because what if she reads this!:) ) 

So, you get the idea. One of those nights where you try to clear your head, but you just can't do it. So, here I am...up, talking to you. 

First and foremost, we have a name! Praise God! We have a name! In case you didn't know, Matt is the absolute worst at choosing names. I come up with a list of names that are acceptable. He comes up with none. He likes none of mine. When asked what he does like, he says, "I don't know. When you say the right name, I'll let you know." Oh, help me! I'm shocked that we've named a dog and two kids already! When I was pregnant with Gray, I forced him to make a list of names. Of course, he makes a total joke of it coming up with names like Vlad. He made his list on a Publix grocery list sheet that had all of the sections marked. You know...dairy, produce, canned goods, etc. Well...meat was also on there and fell right in the middle of his list of names, so he counted Meat as one of his names. So, Gray was referred to as Meat for most of my pregnancy. Nice, huh? Glad that one didn't stick. I'm not sure which is worse...Meat or Vlad? I do, however, absolutely love our sweet daughter's name. She will be Elin Sumithra Valas. This will be Elin's last New Year without a family. 

Many of my sleepless nights, just like this one, have been spent reflecting on my year in 2014 and I have really just now realized what a pivotal year it has been. I'm a different person. I truly believe that this experience has made me a different person entirely. Not necessarily the adoption piece of it, but becoming so much more aware of the needs around me...around all of us. Things that are actually important. Things that really matter. Have you ever thought about the fact that we bathe in drinking water? Drinking water, people! We bathe in the stuff while people in India and other developing countries die daily because they don't have access to clean drinking water. I have this awesome thing in my kitchen where I can put food and it keeps it cold and fresh! It's like magic! Really. It is. And if one day I find that there's nothing in this magical box, I just hop into my personal mode of transportation and drive down to the massive warehouse of food and stock up on what I need. We truly do not realize how fortunate we all are. It's these things that I think about. It's thinking about Elin half a world away and wondering if someone holds her when she cries or comforts her when she's scared. Is she getting enough to eat? Does she have clean clothes to wear? A comfortable bed to sleep in? What about the child in the crib next to her with a much more severe special need? Will she be adopted or will she be left in her orphanage until she ages out and then put onto the streets? There are 153 million just like her...who need families. It's such a far cry from the things that used to consume my life. I have purpose now. Real purpose. An important purpose. Even if it's just one child, it's one less. And I will spend the rest of my life advocating for these children. 

Before, I strived for perfection. Always. Well...the appearance of perfection. I was the mom who totally had it all together (even if I didn't), who took on way more than I should have just to please others, who sometimes even set aside my own family to keep up that appearance that I could do it all. I was the mom who shoved all our junk in the living room off to the side, just out of the frame of the photo I was going to post online. Yep! I had the spotless house even if I didn't. Don't judge...I know you've done it too! :) For some reason, I needed that validation from the outside that I was a great mom and wife, and had all of my ducks in a perfect row all the time. What I failed to see is what that looked like from the inside out. All of that energy that I've always put into trying to appear perfect has now been channeled into things that really matter. My family matters. I matter. My kids matter. My sweet Indian princess of a daughter matters (I pity the person who thought she didn't)! She may come from an orphanage, but she's never been an orphan. It just took a little while longer for her to find her family.  

So, now here we are in 2015. This, my friends, is going to me an amazing year! 2015 is the year! This year we will travel to India to bring her home. Our first day of forever will happen this year! It's getting a little more real now and a whole lot more scary. I'll be honest, there have been moments when I've thought, "what are we doing?!" Those moments are fleeting and I know are just satan trying to use doubt and fear to try to steal my joy. I honestly thought the same thing when I got pregnant with Gray! What are we doing?! Two kids?! Now, there's a chance that this adoption won't be our last. During one of those doubtful moments, Matt said something to me that has stuck with me.  I asked him if we were doing the right thing by adopting. He said, "How could it ever be the wrong thing?" It's opened our eyes. 

We have been so humbled and overwhelmed by all of the love and support that our community and most of our family and friends have shown us. My sweet mom has been the strong woman she always is and has guided me through some of my darkest days. I was unsure in the beginning how my mom would feel about us adopting. Her opinion matters to me and she couldn't be happier for us or more excited to have another grandchild. It saddens me, but not everyone is so supportive and that has been weighing very heavily on me. Please pray for them. That they will see what we see, understand why we choose adoption, and love Elin like we do. I know that adoption is not for everybody. I know that sometimes it's hard to understand why people choose the things they do. It's not about understanding, though. It's about love and supporting those you love. I hope that we can all go into the New Year with a new perspective, open minds, and open hearts. 

2015! This is the year! Thanks for traveling with us! 

Love, 

Abby