It has been three long months since we decided not to pursue the match with J. Three very tough months of questioning ourselves, second guessing our decision, and just feeling like we were never going to see the end of this journey. Friday, Nov. 14th was the worst day I've had throughout this whole process. Matt had been gone for the week and I was just tired and sad. Friday always means two whole days without any possibilities. I sat on my couch with a pile of laundry in front of me in the middle of our messy house and just cried and prayed. You know...that seriously ugly cry that requires tissues for more than just your eyes? Oh, yes! I needed answers. I needed God to tell us exactly what to do. I prayed so hard for a clear answer from Him. Nothing vague....I mean like a big ole slap in the face and kick in the rear telling us what to do. Matt and I were at a point where we were thinking of stepping back and taking a break from the process for a little while. I prayed for movement for us, for our daughter to come to us SOON! I had peace after that. I knew He would provide answers.
Monday came and we were preparing for our yard sale that we had this past weekend (huge success, by the way). Matt came running downstairs with my phone in his hand talking to Pat, our caseworker. She wanted to tell us about a sweet little girl who just turned three this month. As Pat was telling us about her, before we ever saw her file, her special needs, her picture...we knew she was ours. God had answered. K has a serious heart condition which will require multiple surgeries when she comes home. She also has slight differences in her hands and one of her little legs. She is absolutely perfect! She is beautiful and she is OURS! The crazy thing is...her needs are actually more significant than J's were. When we saw her face, it didn't matter what she needed. We would do whatever we needed to for her. Everyone was absolutely right. When it's your daughter, you'll just know...and we do.
So now, the long long journey begins to get our baby home. First, CARA still has to approve our match. There is a chance they could say no to our match with K. We pray that doesn't happen and our caseworker is very optimistic, but nothing is ever guaranteed in India. K's adoption will also have to be processed through an Indian state that is moving very very slowly with adoptions right now. K needs surgery as soon as possible, so we're hoping for an expedited process so she can get the medical care she needs. It's unlikely that they will do that, but it's always worth a try.
Many of our family and friends have asked us how they can help. We're now at a point in our process where we need our friends and family more than ever! We wanted to wait until we had a referral to really start fundraising and enlisting the help of our friends, family, and community. Now, we have a beautiful little soul who needs to come home.
We have been so blessed by a wonderful non profit here in Birmingham, The Grace Klein Community! For our yard sale fundraiser, they provided a massive 20 foot trailer full of donations for us to sell to help raise money. We are now partnering with them to raise funds in another way.
Here is a little excerpt from The Grace Klein Community on how you can give "the gift of giving" this holiday season in the form of a tribute donation.
For every purpose and occasion, sharing is the perfect gift. A tribute donation is a meaningful way to honor someone special in your life. Please consider using our “Giving the Gift of Community” certificates to make a tax deductible donation in lieu of material gifts in honor of a family member, a friend, a colleague or a client. It’s a unique and thoughtful way to honor someone this Christmas.
If you would be interested in donating in honor of someone special or just for you, you may follow the link below and click the "donate" button under "Adoption Support." If you donate, please be sure to put our name in the memo section when you make your donation to ensure that it will go toward our adoption fund. Grace Klein deals directly with our adoption agency and passes along all donations to them toward the expense of bringing K home.
http://gracekleincommunity.com/2013/announcement/giving-the-gift-of-community/
Thank you all so very much for all of the love and support you've shown us. If you're reading this, you're in it with us already and we love you and appreciate you every step of the way.
Okay, the following should probably be a separate post, but I don't want to get into detail (or get myself all worked up), so here goes:
On a totally separate note, I feel the need to get something off my chest and further open the lines of communication about our adoption.
We have had many questions asked of us about our adoption, especially in the recent days following our referral. Some so nice and sweet, some...not so much. Some supportive....others...well, you get the idea. If you have questions, please please ask. We will not be offended by genuine questions in the least. We want everyone to feel comfortable talking openly with us about our adoption. I have learned this past week that some people are uneducated, and others are just plain mean. (Obviously, this is a slight vent) Yes, our daughter has some obvious physical differences. Yes, we realize that she does not look like us. We are fully aware of ALL of that!! There is no need to rudely point that out or give your own opinion of those differences or to "diagnose" her. We know what her special needs are and we think she's perfect. She's ours. I have found the Momma Bear emerging a little bit in the last week. I am really hoping that this is not a glimpse of what we will have to deal with when K comes home. We want to empower her and for her to be proud. So, please just try to be sensitive with your comments. Ask yourself how you would feel if that question was asked of you, or that comment said about your child. If you'd be upset, then so will I. Whew....I sure feel better now. :) Thanks for traveling with us, friends!
Love.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Ups and Downs
I have debated whether or not to share this, but after a few days of healing and thinking, I realized that it's only fair. The only reason I would hold it close is because of the fear of what others may think of us. There goes that fear again.
Last week, our case worker called me and said the words that I have longed to hear...."let me tell you about a little girl." Oh how sweet those words were! She just turned 3 years old in July and she has a spinal issue is what we learned about her at first. We were bursting with excitement and dreaming of the possibilities that may lie ahead! Later that day, I got her file. My hands were shaking as I opened it. I was on the phone with Pat, our case worker, when I opened it and saw her face for the first time. She is beyond beautiful and the crazy thing is...she looks just like Gray! She has the most captivating black eyes and is just breathtaking. I didn't read her file for a while. I honestly couldn't get past that beautiful girl in the photo. I can't share her name, so we'll call her J. Matt was completely over the moon too and said he didn't want to look at her medical reports either. Both of us scared to find something...anything that may tear us away from her.
To just get to the thick of it, she has the most severe form of spina bifida (myelomeningocele with tethered cord). The miraculous part is that she can walk and even climb stairs! Most children born with this cannot walk at all. She had corrective surgery earlier this year and is doing great....for now. Also, about 90% of children with this type of SB also develop hydrocephalus (swelling and excess water in the brain), which is very serious. After reading all of this, doing endless research, and ending up more and more confused, we needed answers from someone who knew what they were looking at.
A sweet friend from high school, whom I regularly keep up with on Facebook had the good sense to marry a Neurosurgeon! Answered prayer! (Thank you Ambre and Chip) I contacted her and her husband looked at J's file and called me back immediately. He explained her condition to me in great detail and spent the time to make sure I understood all that her future may hold. I am forever grateful for that! He was so impressive, knowledgeable, and kind. I won't go into detail about her condition, but my fears were calmed about some parts of her prognosis (she had very little risk of hydrocephalus), but intensified by others (the unknown of her physical condition). In the end, her future medical needs were just too uncertain for us to know if our family is capable of giving her the best life and the best possible care if her condition should deteriorate. Over time, she will likely need other surgeries on her spinal cord. The damage caused could be very minor and relatively insignificant, or it could be severe and cause paralysis and incontinence.
The unknowns were scary, but there was much more to it than just her medical condition We were not formally matched yet, so there was no guarantee that we could be matched with her or that India would even approve the match. India does not like to place children for adoption out of birth order, meaning that they want the adopted child to be the youngest in the home. The timeline on just getting that approval could prove to be a very long wait, and if they denied the match she would wait even longer for her family. There are also issues in the state where she is located which make international adoption more difficult and the timeline is known to be much much longer there. In a nutshell, everything was stacked against us pursuing her match. Matt and I struggled with it for days. We felt horrible. We felt like we had let this sweet little girl down. This precious child with her future so uncertain. But then, I realized who had her future. She's in the hands of God and He will find her place in this world, even if it's not with us.
Throughout this entire process, I have felt God's steady presence, leading us exactly where we are supposed to be. I prayed for peace about accepting the match with J. All I needed was for God to give me peace about it and that would assure me that we were doing the right thing, no matter how difficult it would be. That peace never came. Instead, I just felt beaten down, torn, and drained. I know you moms out there know that gut feeling when something just isn't right. That feeling grew in me by the day. Making the definitive decision not to pursue the match was so hard. After a long conversation on our back porch, I called our case worker, Pat, and told her not to pursue trying to make the match. She is always so gracious, understanding, and supportive. I'm thankful for that, because that phone call tore me up. After I hung up, I cried for a while, then went for a run....and cried some more. (running and crying are not a good combo!) After that, guess what came?....Peace! God gave me the peace I prayed for. He gave it to me at just the right time. That's when I knew we made the right decision.
Here we are a few days later, and I can actually look at her picture with a smile on my face now. I know that her family is out there looking for her, and I hope her wait is short. Meanwhile, our daughter is waiting on us to find her, and I know God will lead us to her in His time. I also know He will give us peace when we do find her. Until then, we wait....
Thanks for traveling with us, friends! I also just want to say that your support means more to us than you will ever know. A lot of people say to me, "I know it's not much, but....." Let me tell you something....every single kind word, smile, hug of reassurance, is HUGE! It makes a world of difference on this journey.
Love
Last week, our case worker called me and said the words that I have longed to hear...."let me tell you about a little girl." Oh how sweet those words were! She just turned 3 years old in July and she has a spinal issue is what we learned about her at first. We were bursting with excitement and dreaming of the possibilities that may lie ahead! Later that day, I got her file. My hands were shaking as I opened it. I was on the phone with Pat, our case worker, when I opened it and saw her face for the first time. She is beyond beautiful and the crazy thing is...she looks just like Gray! She has the most captivating black eyes and is just breathtaking. I didn't read her file for a while. I honestly couldn't get past that beautiful girl in the photo. I can't share her name, so we'll call her J. Matt was completely over the moon too and said he didn't want to look at her medical reports either. Both of us scared to find something...anything that may tear us away from her.
To just get to the thick of it, she has the most severe form of spina bifida (myelomeningocele with tethered cord). The miraculous part is that she can walk and even climb stairs! Most children born with this cannot walk at all. She had corrective surgery earlier this year and is doing great....for now. Also, about 90% of children with this type of SB also develop hydrocephalus (swelling and excess water in the brain), which is very serious. After reading all of this, doing endless research, and ending up more and more confused, we needed answers from someone who knew what they were looking at.
A sweet friend from high school, whom I regularly keep up with on Facebook had the good sense to marry a Neurosurgeon! Answered prayer! (Thank you Ambre and Chip) I contacted her and her husband looked at J's file and called me back immediately. He explained her condition to me in great detail and spent the time to make sure I understood all that her future may hold. I am forever grateful for that! He was so impressive, knowledgeable, and kind. I won't go into detail about her condition, but my fears were calmed about some parts of her prognosis (she had very little risk of hydrocephalus), but intensified by others (the unknown of her physical condition). In the end, her future medical needs were just too uncertain for us to know if our family is capable of giving her the best life and the best possible care if her condition should deteriorate. Over time, she will likely need other surgeries on her spinal cord. The damage caused could be very minor and relatively insignificant, or it could be severe and cause paralysis and incontinence.
The unknowns were scary, but there was much more to it than just her medical condition We were not formally matched yet, so there was no guarantee that we could be matched with her or that India would even approve the match. India does not like to place children for adoption out of birth order, meaning that they want the adopted child to be the youngest in the home. The timeline on just getting that approval could prove to be a very long wait, and if they denied the match she would wait even longer for her family. There are also issues in the state where she is located which make international adoption more difficult and the timeline is known to be much much longer there. In a nutshell, everything was stacked against us pursuing her match. Matt and I struggled with it for days. We felt horrible. We felt like we had let this sweet little girl down. This precious child with her future so uncertain. But then, I realized who had her future. She's in the hands of God and He will find her place in this world, even if it's not with us.
Throughout this entire process, I have felt God's steady presence, leading us exactly where we are supposed to be. I prayed for peace about accepting the match with J. All I needed was for God to give me peace about it and that would assure me that we were doing the right thing, no matter how difficult it would be. That peace never came. Instead, I just felt beaten down, torn, and drained. I know you moms out there know that gut feeling when something just isn't right. That feeling grew in me by the day. Making the definitive decision not to pursue the match was so hard. After a long conversation on our back porch, I called our case worker, Pat, and told her not to pursue trying to make the match. She is always so gracious, understanding, and supportive. I'm thankful for that, because that phone call tore me up. After I hung up, I cried for a while, then went for a run....and cried some more. (running and crying are not a good combo!) After that, guess what came?....Peace! God gave me the peace I prayed for. He gave it to me at just the right time. That's when I knew we made the right decision.
Here we are a few days later, and I can actually look at her picture with a smile on my face now. I know that her family is out there looking for her, and I hope her wait is short. Meanwhile, our daughter is waiting on us to find her, and I know God will lead us to her in His time. I also know He will give us peace when we do find her. Until then, we wait....
Thanks for traveling with us, friends! I also just want to say that your support means more to us than you will ever know. A lot of people say to me, "I know it's not much, but....." Let me tell you something....every single kind word, smile, hug of reassurance, is HUGE! It makes a world of difference on this journey.
Love
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Raw and Uncut
I'm not quite sure where begin with this post. It's been a long time since I've posted anything here because while we were moving forward in our adoption process, completion of paperwork didn't exactly seem newsworthy or exciting. The problem is that I've been a mess of emotion that has remained concealed from most people in my life. This process has already started a shift in me that I cannot explain in words. It's a shift in the depths of who I am as a person and child of God. My whole identity and the shape of my soul is being molded into something new, something so much bigger than me. I started this blog so that our friends and family could travel this journey with us, and that includes every milestone, big or small, every raw emotion and fearful thought, and every boring update. Only then will you truly walk this journey with us and see it through our eyes. Thank you for traveling with us.
So I guess I'll just begin with the facts....the practical updates. Our home study is complete! Everything will go to India in a matter of a couple of weeks and we will be registered with the Central Adoption Resource Authority in India. At that point, we will be waiting on a referral! I laugh here because when I type that out, it all looks so simple...so straightforward, when in reality it's anything but!
All the other "stuff"
FEAR
Fear is satan's weapon. Fear is just another one of his lies. My most dominant fear is inadequacy. Now that we will soon be waiting on a referral, I'm terrified that we will have to refuse a referral. This happens all the time and is encouraged if you feel the special need is more than you can care for. If you didn't already know, we are in the process for a special needs adoption, so our daughter will be special needs of some sort. Fear of the unknown is the worst kind of fear. What if we get a referral and I see her face and then learn that her needs are more than we can provide for? Can we endure that heartbreak? That is such a selfish thought though, because that precious child needs a family...a mother and father...and we are inadequate to care for her. So she waits....she waits longer for a place to call home....because we are inadequate. There are families that we know who have refused 3 referrals before accepting one. They have all said that when you see your child's face, you just know. You know that that child is the child God chose for you before creation. She is yours and you are hers. I pray that is true.
STRIPPED
There is beauty under the ugliness, and peace after the pain. This process is stripping me...layer by layer, it is stripping me down to nothing but what I truly am. I'm not even sure what that is yet. The thought process of adoption has confronted me with emotions, thoughts, and impossible decisions that I would have not have faced otherwise. I am certain that I am nowhere near the core of my being just yet. My stripping has just begun. We have only been in this process a very short time, but the layers are beginning to come off. It's a vulnerable feeling. Those layers are ugly. They reveal to me (and everyone else) my faults, my failures, my shortcomings, my fears, the hate in my heart toward those I need to forgive, and all the other untruths I've told myself. All of it falls away and I am able to see it. It's painful to see all of that ugliness at my feet. The beauty will come with the new growth that comes from going through this process and this journey...the reconstruction. The peace will come as a result of that reconstruction. When we made the decision to adopt, I never dreamed that it would lead us through all of this, or that it would teach me SO much about myself, who I was before, who I am now, and what I am to become.... and about our Lord's grand plan (no clue what that is, by the way).
I'll try not to let so much time pass before posting again. I just have not thought that my words, thoughts, and feelings were worthy of sharing since they didn't accompany news, but I will try not to hold back going forward. Until next time....LOVE.
So I guess I'll just begin with the facts....the practical updates. Our home study is complete! Everything will go to India in a matter of a couple of weeks and we will be registered with the Central Adoption Resource Authority in India. At that point, we will be waiting on a referral! I laugh here because when I type that out, it all looks so simple...so straightforward, when in reality it's anything but!
All the other "stuff"
FEAR
Fear is satan's weapon. Fear is just another one of his lies. My most dominant fear is inadequacy. Now that we will soon be waiting on a referral, I'm terrified that we will have to refuse a referral. This happens all the time and is encouraged if you feel the special need is more than you can care for. If you didn't already know, we are in the process for a special needs adoption, so our daughter will be special needs of some sort. Fear of the unknown is the worst kind of fear. What if we get a referral and I see her face and then learn that her needs are more than we can provide for? Can we endure that heartbreak? That is such a selfish thought though, because that precious child needs a family...a mother and father...and we are inadequate to care for her. So she waits....she waits longer for a place to call home....because we are inadequate. There are families that we know who have refused 3 referrals before accepting one. They have all said that when you see your child's face, you just know. You know that that child is the child God chose for you before creation. She is yours and you are hers. I pray that is true.
STRIPPED
There is beauty under the ugliness, and peace after the pain. This process is stripping me...layer by layer, it is stripping me down to nothing but what I truly am. I'm not even sure what that is yet. The thought process of adoption has confronted me with emotions, thoughts, and impossible decisions that I would have not have faced otherwise. I am certain that I am nowhere near the core of my being just yet. My stripping has just begun. We have only been in this process a very short time, but the layers are beginning to come off. It's a vulnerable feeling. Those layers are ugly. They reveal to me (and everyone else) my faults, my failures, my shortcomings, my fears, the hate in my heart toward those I need to forgive, and all the other untruths I've told myself. All of it falls away and I am able to see it. It's painful to see all of that ugliness at my feet. The beauty will come with the new growth that comes from going through this process and this journey...the reconstruction. The peace will come as a result of that reconstruction. When we made the decision to adopt, I never dreamed that it would lead us through all of this, or that it would teach me SO much about myself, who I was before, who I am now, and what I am to become.... and about our Lord's grand plan (no clue what that is, by the way).
I'll try not to let so much time pass before posting again. I just have not thought that my words, thoughts, and feelings were worthy of sharing since they didn't accompany news, but I will try not to hold back going forward. Until next time....LOVE.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
So Much More Than Logistics
So many of our friends and family have asked us about the process of adoption and what all is involved. The short answer is there is no short answer. The more we're learning and moving through the steps, the more daunting it becomes. Right now, we're still in the "apply" stage and we have had to obtain abuse and neglect clearances from every state/country each of us have ever lived in for more than a month. For us, that means Alabama, Georgia, Oklahoma, Massachusetts, New York, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Delaware....oh, and let's not forget Loumia, Chad, Sharm el Sheikh, Egypt. Iraq and Afghanistan don't have abuse registries, so we didn't have to be cleared for those. All of this along with fingerprinting at the prison (that was fun, especially since it was visitation hour) and our FBI/ABI clearances. These usually take about 4-6 weeks to clear. We're hoping it won't be longer for us due to the insane amount of clearances we have to get. The tough part is that if your process does not move along as quickly as you hope for it to, sometimes these documents will expire and have to be redone. We have already started our pre adoption classes, so that's a slight step ahead!
The funny thing for me is that as we're now all in for the long haul, my fear and doubt have all but left me. I have such a peace about this and I know this is right for us. I find myself thinking about her, what she will look like, what her personality will be like, how all three of my kids will play together and grow together for the rest of their lives. Sisters have such a strong bond and I'm excited to see her and Reese together. It is kind of like being pregnant in a way, except maybe even a little harder. Like carrying a baby from conception, I love her already even though I have never seen her face or heard her voice. I say that it's a little harder because pregnancy has an end date and you know when you'll be going home with your baby. You know for certain that she'll have a warm soft bed, good food to eat, toys to play with, someone to hug her and love her and let her know how special she is. With adoption, you can only pray for all of those things for your baby until she's in your arms and under your care. I find myself wondering if she's been born yet, wondering how she came to be at the orphanage, wondering if she has someone to love her and protect her until she can come home to me. I can already tell that this will without a doubt be the most life changing experience of our lives. Not because we'll be bringing another child into our family, but because of how this process will change us forever.
Matt and I were joking the other night about how our lives look nothing like what we once envisioned them to be. When we got married, we even discussed not having kids. We wanted to have a life of luxury where we could vacation all the time, have a big beautiful home, have lavish things. Ohhhhh how different it all is now! We have two kids whom I get to stay home with and live off of one income. I'm thankful that Matt wanted that for our family and even more thankful for him and how good he is to me. Our house is messy sometimes and I don't always get to take a shower everyday (shhh don't tell anybody that), our dog barks constantly and bites people, our kids are loud and rambunctious and love each other like crazy! Our life is nothing like what we had imagined.....It is so so so much better than we could have ever hoped for! We see things so differently now. Money and material things mean so little, experience and making those memories together means everything! Don't get me wrong here...we do have a beautiful home, and our single income is more than we could ever need. We have been very blessed financially, and we have been blessed with a wonderful family and friends who love us and are so supportive. I loved Matt so much the day that I married him, but now I look back on that day and know that it was the day that I loved him the least.
I started writing this as a strictly informational post and well....you see how it turned out. Thank you for letting me share a piece of my heart with you even if it was unintended. Well, now that I have rambled on and on, I'll get back to sharing the process of the adoption :) Here it is! I'm going to be editing this as we go along and adding all of the hoops to jump through, not only for ourselves to look back, but for other families considering the process. :) I'm going to try to pin this post to the top so it's easier to see where we are in the process.
1. Apply to Children of the World
- complete preliminary application ($150)
- Provide 6 references/written references sent to COTW
- Obtain abuse and neglect clearances from all states/countries lived in for more than 1 month.
- Alabama, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Georgia, New York, Egypt, Afghanistan, Iraq, Bosnia, Africa. (some countries didn't have registries) :)
- Complete fingerprinting and obtain ABI/FBI clearances ($110)
- Complete final application
- Complete and submit the following documents:
- Certified copies of birth certificates and marriage certificate ($140)
- Notarized Bank letters for each account: balance/deposits for last year, and savings
- Complete financial statement
- Med Care Agreement and Consent to Release Information
- Complete medical exams for all four of us, have them notarized, and have kids' TB tests.
- Provide proof of insurance for adopted child
- Conviction statement
- Certified copy of property deed
- Notarized employment verification letter.
- Another police clearance at the local level.
- Complete autobiographies for both of us.
- Technology fee ($150)
- All info will be given to social worker to begin home study!
2. Begin mandatory pre adoption classes
- Completed classes May 2014
3. Complete homestudy process
4. Register with CARA (homestudy is sent at this time) For
healthy babies and children you may register on the first day of each month
only. There is a quota for healthy babies. They accept the first 100 families.
For special needs, you may register at any time. There is no quota for special
needs.
5. Complete CIS process and receive approval
6. Prepare the dossier for India
7. Wait for a referral. Referral time varies from 6-18 months.
8. Accept referral
9. Wait for CARA clearance (NOC)
10. Wait for legal process from the court
11. Receive guardianship papers from the courts in India
At this point you will decide if you will file the I800 here
or travel to India and file in New Delhi.
12. Apply for the child’s visa. Your child will have an Indian
passport and will need a travel visa to enter the U.S. Return to the Unites
States with your child.
13. Complete the Post Placement visits
14. Finalize adoption through the U.S. courts and obtain U.S.
citizenship for your child.
The cost to adopt from India is app. $25,000. This includes
travel and lodging for two people. We will be doing fundraisers in the future to help with the cost of it all.
CARA (Central Adoption Resource Authority)
CIS (Citizenship & Immigration Service)
NOC (No Objection Certificate)
Love to you all, and thank you for following our journey.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Why Adoption? Why India?...and other pressing questions.
For the most part, our news is out. We are adopting a little girl from India. So, what comes next? Right now, we're just focusing on getting our paper trail started with background checks, FBI/ABI clearances, references, and much more. Since our announcement, we have gotten a number of questions. Please ask questions!!! It is okay. You may ask whatever comes to mind. If you are curious about anything, we want you to ask! We will not be offended in the least. So here are a few of the big ones....
What made you want to adopt?
Adoption is something that we have discussed periodically over the last few years. Nothing serious, just discussion. After Gray was born, I was sure I was done. We didn't want any more children. Our family felt complete. Then, I began to follow the adoption story of an old high school friend and his wife, who were also adopting from India. I followed their journey to get their little girl from her orphanage. As I casually flipped through their story in photos, the image of a little orphan boy stopped me in my tracks. He had these beautiful piercing eyes. The next photo was of him in a corner with eyes closed and sucking his thumb for comfort all alone on the floor. I was terrified to talk to Matt, so I mentioned it to my mother. Her response was not at all what I had expected. She was so supportive and encouraged me to follow my heart on this one. Over the next week or so, I continued to talk with my mother and dug into research on countries open for adoption, the process, and the stories of others following the path to adoption.
I had no idea how Matt would react to such a suggestion, so I just blurted it out during an episode of House Hunters! He wasn't shocked, but said he needed some time to let it sink in. I too needed more confirmation that this was the right decision for us. The following night, we attended a Home and Garden Show where we struck up a conversation with none other than a mattress salesman (Tempurpedic to be exact). Throughout the course of that conversation, we learned that this man lived just down the street from us. Out of nowhere, he begins to tell us the story of the adoption of his son, and then goes on to tell us the adoption story of a family friend from Russia. Matt and I just looked at each other, neither of us saying a word. We felt like that was the confirmation we were looking for to move forward in our research and discussion of adoption.
Over the next month, we continued to study and research international adoption and finally came to the decision that it was something we wanted to pursue. That's when we were led to India.
Why India? Why a girl?
There are many factors that led us to India; some of which I won't get into. After I brought up the topic of adoption to Matt and mentioned the prospect of India, he said that he had been reading about the mistreatment of girls and female infanticide in India. It is heartbreaking, and a very hard truth to accept. We take for granted the value of human life in the United States. Sadly, baby girls are murdered every day in many countries simply because they are girls. I came across a short video on the blog of another adoptive family that sums it all up pretty well. I hope that this helps you all to understand and answers some of those questions. It is slightly difficult to watch.
Other less complicated questions:
Age? 1 to 3 years
How is she chosen for your family? Do you get to choose? We will be matched with a child based on the needs of that child and the current dynamic of our family and household. They work to make the best possible match for the child and family.
How will you handle religion? Will she be raised Catholic? Yes, she will be raised Catholic. We are a Catholic family, and all of our children will be raised Christian. We will, however, teach her about the culture, religious practices, etc. of her native country as she grows up.
How could a mother just leave her baby and care so little? In many cases, surrendering her baby girl is the most difficult and bravest thing that mother may ever do. Many mothers take their baby girls to orphanages to save their lives. In other cases, the mother may not be able to care for her child and again will surrender the child in order to save the life of her baby. Obviously, there are also mothers who simply abandoned their children, and they are found and brought to the orphanage. My heart hurts for these birthmothers. There will be future posts on this topic because it is dear to me. I will have a birthmother to thank for my beautiful baby girl.
How long will it all take? When will you bring her home? This, my friends, is the million dollar question. It can take anywhere from 10 months or less up to two years or more! Right now, we're just getting all of our paperwork together and submitted. It is all very overwhelming. At this point, I have no idea what our timeline will look like.
Again, please ask questions. We are still learning about this process and there are so many things I still am unaware of or don't understand. I will post to this page as we move through the process and hit each milestone that is one step closer to meeting our daughter.
What made you want to adopt?
Adoption is something that we have discussed periodically over the last few years. Nothing serious, just discussion. After Gray was born, I was sure I was done. We didn't want any more children. Our family felt complete. Then, I began to follow the adoption story of an old high school friend and his wife, who were also adopting from India. I followed their journey to get their little girl from her orphanage. As I casually flipped through their story in photos, the image of a little orphan boy stopped me in my tracks. He had these beautiful piercing eyes. The next photo was of him in a corner with eyes closed and sucking his thumb for comfort all alone on the floor. I was terrified to talk to Matt, so I mentioned it to my mother. Her response was not at all what I had expected. She was so supportive and encouraged me to follow my heart on this one. Over the next week or so, I continued to talk with my mother and dug into research on countries open for adoption, the process, and the stories of others following the path to adoption.
I had no idea how Matt would react to such a suggestion, so I just blurted it out during an episode of House Hunters! He wasn't shocked, but said he needed some time to let it sink in. I too needed more confirmation that this was the right decision for us. The following night, we attended a Home and Garden Show where we struck up a conversation with none other than a mattress salesman (Tempurpedic to be exact). Throughout the course of that conversation, we learned that this man lived just down the street from us. Out of nowhere, he begins to tell us the story of the adoption of his son, and then goes on to tell us the adoption story of a family friend from Russia. Matt and I just looked at each other, neither of us saying a word. We felt like that was the confirmation we were looking for to move forward in our research and discussion of adoption.
Over the next month, we continued to study and research international adoption and finally came to the decision that it was something we wanted to pursue. That's when we were led to India.
Why India? Why a girl?
There are many factors that led us to India; some of which I won't get into. After I brought up the topic of adoption to Matt and mentioned the prospect of India, he said that he had been reading about the mistreatment of girls and female infanticide in India. It is heartbreaking, and a very hard truth to accept. We take for granted the value of human life in the United States. Sadly, baby girls are murdered every day in many countries simply because they are girls. I came across a short video on the blog of another adoptive family that sums it all up pretty well. I hope that this helps you all to understand and answers some of those questions. It is slightly difficult to watch.
Other less complicated questions:
Age? 1 to 3 years
How is she chosen for your family? Do you get to choose? We will be matched with a child based on the needs of that child and the current dynamic of our family and household. They work to make the best possible match for the child and family.
How will you handle religion? Will she be raised Catholic? Yes, she will be raised Catholic. We are a Catholic family, and all of our children will be raised Christian. We will, however, teach her about the culture, religious practices, etc. of her native country as she grows up.
How could a mother just leave her baby and care so little? In many cases, surrendering her baby girl is the most difficult and bravest thing that mother may ever do. Many mothers take their baby girls to orphanages to save their lives. In other cases, the mother may not be able to care for her child and again will surrender the child in order to save the life of her baby. Obviously, there are also mothers who simply abandoned their children, and they are found and brought to the orphanage. My heart hurts for these birthmothers. There will be future posts on this topic because it is dear to me. I will have a birthmother to thank for my beautiful baby girl.
How long will it all take? When will you bring her home? This, my friends, is the million dollar question. It can take anywhere from 10 months or less up to two years or more! Right now, we're just getting all of our paperwork together and submitted. It is all very overwhelming. At this point, I have no idea what our timeline will look like.
Again, please ask questions. We are still learning about this process and there are so many things I still am unaware of or don't understand. I will post to this page as we move through the process and hit each milestone that is one step closer to meeting our daughter.
Welcome
Friends and Family,
I've decided to start this blog about our adoption journey for a number of reasons. We are just beginning down this road and have already seen just how bumpy the ride can actually be. So, while this blog will partially be to keep those we love informed about where we are in the process as we get closer to bringing our sweet girl home, this will also be for my own benefit to have an outlet to discuss the ins, outs, frustrations, setbacks, and triumphs of this whole crazy process that is international adoption. If you're here, you're already traveling with us, so buckle in folks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)